Streaking Through Hogwarts
by lesbiansassemble
Summary: In hindsight, maybe they shouldn't have given Snivellus boils last week. Now the Marauders were stranded outside Hogwarts...buck naked. [One Shot]


"Are you sure this is a good idea, guys?" Peter asked tentatively, as he tugged on the hem of his shirt nervously. The marauders were standing on a massive rock facing the wide expanse of the Great Lake. It was a scorching hot day in Hogwarts, and it had been James' idea to take a swim to cool off.

"Come on, Pete. Don't be such a killjoy. Even Moony's getting in." Sirius retorted, beginning to undo his belt.

"Actually, I kind of agree with Peter." Remus interjected sheepishly.

"What's the worst that could happen?" James replied dismissively as he began to pull his shirt over his head.

"We could get bitten by a Grindylow." Remus quipped.

"And…and the Giant Squid!" Peter squeaked.

"I was speaking rhetorically!" James huffed, kicking off his shoes. "Come on, how many days like this do we get?"

"Please, Moony." Sirius begged, giving him the puppy-eyes.

Remus sighed. How could he resist _that_ look? "Fine." He grumbled as he began to unbutton his shirt. "But if I get eaten by the Giant Squid, I'll bloody haunt you, Padfoot."

Peter, not wanting to be excluded, reluctantly started undressing as well. Once they were all standing there stark naked, the boys unceremoniously dumped their clothes in a pile and made their way to the edge of the rock.

"Who's going to have the honours of jumping in first?" James grinned mischievously.

"Not me!" Peter yelped, taking a step backwards, a look of terror flashing across his face.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Merlin's pants, it's just a bloody lake, Peter."

"If it's just _a bloody lake_ , then why haven't you jumped in yet?" Remus retorted, a small smile playing across his lips.

"Well…because…I'm just…I'm waiting for the right moment." Sirius garbled. "I've swum in this lake hundreds of times."

Remus gave him an incredulous look. He knew for a fact that Sirius had never once swum in the Great Lake. "Say…doesn't it feel like the right moment to you, James?" he asked, turning to face James, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

James grinned back. "Without a doubt."

Just then, Remus gave Sirius a gentle push, causing him to stumble and fall backwards in to the lake. He let out an uncharacteristically shrill and feminine scream as he splashed into the cool depths of the lake. The remaining three marauders peered over the edge, trying to spot Sirius. Within a few seconds, he had resurfaced and lifted both his arms up, giving them the middle finger. "YOU WANKERS!" he yelled, causing the boys to erupt into fits of laughter. "BLOODY HELL IT'S COLD!" Sirius added, shivering slightly.

Then, without a moment's hesitation, James took a few steps back before running off the edge of the rock and tucking his knees into his chest as if he were a bomb. "GERONIMO!" he yelled as Sirius shrieked, trying to take cover. James landed with a colossal splash, completely soaking his friend. Sirius opened his mouth, filling his cheeks with the murky water before spitting it into James' face.

James scrunched up his face in disgust. "Black, you animal!" he laughed, before splashing him back.

Sirius then glanced up to see whether the other two were going to jump in. "Oh, is that Marlene McKinnon? You better jump in quickly before she sees your schlong, Peter!" he laughed.

Peter, his face flushing furiously, leapt into the lake, too embarrassed to check and see whether Sirius was taking the piss or not. James and Sirius snickered.

"You're too gullible, Pete." James grinned, before adjusting his glasses and raking a hand through his damp and unruly hair.

"Moony, stop your mooning, and get in the bloody water! I'm freezing my bollocks off." Sirius yelled up at him.

Remus tentatively shuffled to the edge of the rock, ringing his hands nervously. He took a few deep breaths, then dived straight into the bitter water. When he surfaced, he was grinning from ear to ear. The cool water was certainly a relief from the harsh heat.

"You're such a show-off." Sirius scoffed before splashing him in the face.

Suddenly, James jumped backwards, accidentally hitting Peter. "Shit! What was that?" he yelped, his eyes wide with fear. The marauder's smiles instantly disappeared.

"What? What happened?" Remus almost stammered, looking petrified.

"Something touched my leg!" James squealed, almost hysterically.

"Fuck!" Sirius exclaimed, swimming a little further away, whilst Remus frantically looked down at the lake's bed, trying to see if he could spot anything lurking in its depths.

"It's the Giant Squid!" Peter cried, almost on the verge of tears.

"Every man for himself!" Sirius yelled.

All of a sudden, James let out a loud guffaw. "You should have seen your faces! Sirius you looked like you were about to piss yourself." He said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"You complete tosser!" Sirius huffed, briefly dunking James' head underwater.

"That was _not_ funny, Prongs." Remus added once James resurfaced, but he couldn't help but smile a little. The joke was pretty funny.

"I think I actually did piss myself." Peter jested, causing the boys to succumb into fits of giggles again.

Just then, James noticed that Severus had appeared. He was standing on top of the rock, his right hand holding their clothes, and the other holding their wands.

"Oi, Snivellus! What d'you think you're doing?" James growled, sending him a death glare.

"A little reckless of you to leave your wand and robes out here, isn't it, Potter?"

"Put those back, you slimy git!" Sirius snapped.

Severus' eyes narrowed with irritation. "I was stuck in the hospital wing for two classes because of your petty little pimple jinx! Maybe this'll teach you a lesson." He snarled, before turning on his heel and leaving with their belongings.

The boys looked at each other horrified.

"He's taken all of our clothes _and_ our wands. How are we supposed to get back to the Gryffindor common room… _naked_?!" Peter squeaked.

"The ultimate walk of shame." James groaned.

"So what if they see us starkers? I've got nothing to hide." Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows. "James however…" he teased, holding up his little finger.

"Shut up, Sirius. What if Lily sees me…I mean, us…naked?" James whined. "This is a nightmare."

"I really don't like this. Everybody's going to see my scars." Remus said, swallowing nervously.

"Everyone take a chill pill, alright? We're the bloody marauders! We know Hogwarts like the back of our hands. Let's just take one of the secret passages, and hope we don't get caught." Sirius said, attempting to calm them down.

"Fine." The three boys answer in unison.

A few minutes later, the boys had almost reached the common room. They pushed open a small, secret door that was hidden behind a painting of Sir Cadogan, and quickly made their way into the corridor. Luckily, no one was around as they hurried over to the Fat Lady. "Goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, shielding her eyes. The boys were huddled together, their hands covering their…well, _nether regions._ "Where are your robes, boys?"

"Stolen." Peter answered bluntly. "Please let us in before anyone sees us."

"You boys are always getting yourselves into trouble." She tutted, before adding "Password?"

"Pumpkin Pasties. Now please let us in." Remus replied, looking slightly manic. He was terrified that a student, or worse, a teacher, would appear at any moment.

The boys barged their way through the door and when they saw who was inside, their hearts stopped. All the colour in their cheeks drained away as they stood their petrified. There, in the middle of the common room, was none other than Lily Evans.

"Merlin's Pants!" Lily screamed, letting her books drop to the floor as she covered her eyes with her hands. "Are you trying to scar me for life, Potter? Where are your robes?"

James blushed crimson. "Why don't you ask your boyfriend, Snivellus?" he retorted, deeply embarrassed.

"Please go upstairs and get some clothes. I _never_ want to see that again." Lily begged, feeling completely and utterly mortified.

"Never?" James asked, looking slightly hurt.

"Never!" she yelled back. "Now go!"

The other boys snickered at James' humiliation before they all scrambled upstairs to finally find some clothes.


End file.
